Procrastination.

School is incredibly challenging this semester. While it may be that I am not physically in class as often, I find that the amount of work has increased to a point where I am constantly busy. Or at least, I should be doing something and manage to find myself doing something not relating to school. Because isn't that just the way procrastination goes? We all do it. Don't even try to deny it.

We all have that one activity or chore or something that we'd rather not do, and so we distract ourselves with other activities until nothing else is left but that original task, at which point, we suck it up and just get it done. I am finding that I am allowing myself to get behind on tasks and leaving this until the deadlines, because of anxiety and fear. I think I am genuinely afraid of graduation and the things that come along with it these days. I may just be afraid of growing up. Of being an adult and having a grown up job, and yet, that's all. Still living at home, dealing with drama from my family, and not having a life of my own.

Perhaps I am to blame. Perhaps school is not the only aspect of my life I have procrastinated upon in retrospect. I find that my adult life is something that perhaps I have also put on hold. I haven't had any serious relationships with quality individuals. I haven't developed the friendships and bonds that many others have, and the few friendships I have, I haven't nurtured in the way that I should to strengthen the bonds between us.

I haven't saved money in an attempt to assert my independence so I can live on my own and pay my own expenses and bills. I haven't held down a serious job, and none for more than a year and feel like this is a deterrent in my life. I am beginning to think I have set up road blocks in my own life, and I am unsure about how to take them down myself.

I have been applying for jobs and have been unsuccessful in my attempts to secure anything, not even an interview or a call regarding the position. I seem to only receive rejections via email and find it discouraging overall. I wonder if there is something I have done or have not done, and if there is anything that I can do to change my circumstance, but sadly, recruiters are not forth coming with information on how to improve on my resume and my situation, especially with such a lack of feedback.

Am I destined to be a victim of my own procrastination forever? Are there any tips or ideas that you have learned in your life on how to change your outlook and how others view you?